Worst Movie of All Time?

I know this isn't sports related, but I saw a movie over the weekend that may be the worst movie ever made and in the interest of saving the one or two other people that read this blog from mistakenly watching this monstrosity, I am posting this warning:

Do not see the movie Troy.

It is so shitty that it is unwatchable. Brad Pitt, Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom simultaneously give the worst performances of their respective careers, and none of these guys were perennial Oscar candidates to begin with. It also doesn't help that the script is total garbage. It is a bunch of banal platitudes strung together between meaningless fight scenes and delivered by cardboard cut-outs masquerading as actors.

In truth, I didn't see the whole thing. I watched the first two-thirds and then I had to shut it off. I couldn't stand it any more.

Now, I have seen really terrible movies before that ended up being mildly entertaining. Pitch Black was one. Not Another Teen Movie was another. Troy unfortunately was not; it had no redeeming qualities. The only question that remains then, is whether or not Troy really was the worst movie I have ever partially seen. The list of movies that I have seen that have been absolutely god awful isn't very long, but Troy certainly is on it.

Was it as bad as Maid In Manhattan? I'm not sure. If not, it is close. It was definitely worse than Leonard Part 6 and Howard the Duck. I think it was worse than The Ninth Gate, too. There have been some B-movies and crappy horror flicks I have seen that should be on the list, but it's not really fair to compare sucky low budget movies like Sleepaway Camp to blockbuster shit carnivals like Troy.

I am sure there are really horrendous movies that I am forgetting right now, but I think my Top 5 crappy big budget movies list goes like this:

5. The Ninth Gate - without a doubt, Johnny Depp's worst movie. I doubt he lists this next to Pirates of the Caribbean, Donnie Brasco and Chocolat on his resume.

4. Howard the Duck - this movie won many awards. See the list here. Tim Robbins was in this movie too. Too bad for him.

3. Leonard Part 6 - Bill Cosby plays ex-CIA spy Leonard Parker. Here is an excerpt from the plot summary from imdb.com- "The CIA asks for ex-spy Leonard's help in stopping an evil force that is brainwashing small animals into killing people. . . . The evil Medusa Johnson (Gloria Foster, pre-Matrix) has hypnotized animals into doing her bidding, and plans to use them to take over the world! It's up to Leonard to save the world, as only he can battle her Vegetarians and man-eating rabbits!" I think it is pretty self-explanatory as to why this movie makes my list.

2. Troy - see above.

1. Maid in Manhattan - by far, the worst chick flick I have ever seen. I don't even mind most chick flicks if the characters are likeable and the plot is remotely interesting, but this movie is so utterly horrible, I had to fight the urge to gouge my eyes out with my dinner fork, just to end the misery. Guys, if you are forced into watching a chick flick with your girl to appease her after a day of football this Fall, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES AGREE TO WATCH THIS MOVIE. You have been warned.

Positive Philly Thought For the Day: I could say something about the Phillies here, but instead I will say something positive about the Sixers. I'm serious. Just remember, when you are bashing Billy King and lamenting the state of our beloved hardcourt heroes, it could be worse. We could have Isiah Thomas as our GM. Is it possible to be from Philly and feel sorry for Knicks fans? I think I actually do..he is that bad. No fans deserve that, except maybe Cowboys fans.